Ruthless

My words have teeth
Snapping, growling
As they escape my mouth
Ruthless dangles from wrists
It jangles as I walk
A warning
Some would call compassion a fool’s gift
Some days I wish I was ignorant
For the words swarming and pecking my ears
Only confirm that people have stopped
Listening to each other
Stopped noticing each other
Swarming are our actions
Weakened are our words
My words have teeth
So everything I say sinks in
Growling loud enough
For everyone to hear
For I wear ruthless on my wrists
It is my perfect accessory

Summer Fling

Lets fall in love
Like a 90s sitcom
Within 30 to 60 minutes
We would have a perfect love story
Insert automated laughter and applause
We could take breaths
At every commercial break
So we could enunciate every line properly
In this perfectly scripted romance
And every problem
Would be solved before the ending credits
And maybe with enough practice and time
We will remember each other’s names

Wings

A tall silver trailer
In my backyard
When I was a little girl
I wanted to fly
I figured out
How to climb
Up and up
To the top
Of that silver trailer
Pacing left and right
I wanted to fly
Let the wind
Get tangled in my hair
Lingering on the edge
I stood there
Content
With sun teasing my face
Confident, unaware
Of gravity
Hesitant for a moment
But patience taught me
To enjoy the view
Of neighborhood of rooftops
I wanted to fly
So I jumped
Off that silver trailer
Soared with arms open
Then fell
To the ground
Feet landed first
The ground jolted by body alive
Crouched there for a moment
For I had flew
Smile collected along with bruised palms
Hadn’t been afraid
For I knew the ground
Would catch me
I laughed and danced
For I had flew and found freedom
Collected rooftops upon my descent
I never regretted finding the ground
Or thought
It was a hindrance to be born with legs
And not wings

Failure

The first hardest thing
Is to sign my name
And say
I need help

The second hardest thing
Is to look
You in the eyes
And say
I fucked up

Curbside

She wore the results of last night’s fight
On her face as badges of honor
Sitting on the curb, she is waiting
Waiting for a ride, an escape
Away from this life
Neatly tucked away in a small corner apartment   
The sun beats down upon her back
Rays pounding until her body was sweating
And she wanted to cry
No one to call and nowhere to go
She sits outside a church
Hoping for charity
Thinking she should get some religion
Then at least she could confess her troubles
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt
Knowing she had nowhere to go
Except a curb outside a church
Discarded, like a five year old sofa   
Permanently sunken in the middle
Or an old office chair missing a wheel
So always teetered to one side
She slumped forward
Watching the traffic speeding by
Hope lingering on her face
Tucked in the wrinkles around her eyes
Maybe, she needed a sign
With HELP scribbled in big bold black letters
Then maybe she could find something more than this curb
Maybe she could find her escape
Her way out of this cycle

Dollface

She was so broken
That this doll
Would need to stitch
A smile
Upon her face
In order to be happy
Pink yarn hair
Knotted into two pigtails
She wobbled
Left and right
As she spoke
Until she would stumble
Over every sentence
With her over-sized boots
She was so broken
You needed to stitch
Her into a doll
So she could be whole again

Grave Charm

your words
are
little
graves
and
coffins
in every
one of
your
smiles
until
We
are
buried
six feet deep
in each
embrace
and
suffocating on
your
lies

Horizon

She had told me
All she wanted to be was a mother
I was 20-something, fresh out of college
And I didn’t understand
Her choice
So I ran away
To explore the horizon
While she got married
And had her family
All with her wild blonde hair
And big eyes full of wonder
I remember when I
Decided to be a mother
The fear of not being able to chase after the sun
But, I understood now
What she had been saying
Whenever my son smiled at me
I realized all I needed to be was his mother
The horizon would still be there tomorrow

Argument

The argument was reborn into regret
They sit there alone across from each other
Their love had clearly mutated beyond repair
And now they are just sitting
Pondering an escape route
Untangling their I love yous so they lay unraveled
Pooling at feet, and the tears accenting emotions
When pain is replacing happiness
They knew this relationship was incompetent
A couple reincarnated as two individuals
Caught in an awkward moment
Where words and emotions collide
Leaving what once was so beautiful
To mutate into a bitter moment
The clock runs down
They are alone sitting across from each other

Ghosts

Our ghosts find a way
to be revived
reformulate into self-doubt
these habits find us
once again
so let us stumble over and over
trying to regain
our footing
with each twist and turn

These ghosts
know how to dance
rejuvenate with time
we have built
our own cages
so much distrust
so many lies
find a way in
until we are reborn
within our own walls

Our ghosts find a way
to be reborn
into incomplete sentences
trailing off into silence
while we are watching
as this pattern repeats
in habitual motions
reliving each emotion
in due time
the memory is forgotten
but the ghosts
are still there
dancing and holding us hostage
within self-doubt

My Love Poem

Found the excuses are entangled with the truth
And maybe, he had been right after all
That she was too complex to love
And a relationship with her
Was just another form of entrapment

Her worth has become lost these days
Stapled up flyers with MISSING plastered in bold type
Criss-cross patterns, leaving her hollow
And tiny scars intertwining on her inner thighs
Was the only thing that made her feel alive

And maybe, he had been right after all
She was never worth a moment of his day, but wanted
To believe she had the right to a happy ending
She spends the afternoons, swinging swinging
Between moods, because all he left her was feeling ugly

Feels as though dangling from a wire
And time has become her enemy
Ticking away, the hours are filled with silence
Laughter a distant ghost, she wishes she could catch
Cup it in her hands for a second, so she can finally remember

Maybe she was too complex to love
Her words perplexing and her distance frustrating
Never wants anyone close enough to see her smile
So she hides away, and finds herself in the shadows
Fingertips tingling to intertwine with anyone once again

Unable to speak anymore, she never says her feelings
Quietly ponders as everyone cackles with laughter
Observing the world turning, feeling herself fading
Into an outline, she is static and lost
A memory of a person learning how to fake a smile

Found the excuses are entangled with the truth
And maybe, he had been right after all
That she was too complex to love
And a relationship with her
Was just another form of entrapment

Return to My Imagination

I remember
Chasing after rainbows and shooting stars
When fairy tales
Could be found in the wrinkles
Of every tree
Laughter
Was the echo of every sprite
And dragons
Were the boom of thunder
In the evening sky
Laying on my back
I would trace out a history in clouds
Catch myself on a sparrow’s wing
Take off into a new world
Imagination was my greatest friend
And I was an explorer everyday
I remember the magic
Before I had to grow up
I still want to run with the wind
Chase after lightning
Even though I am caught in a black and white world
Some days
I close my eyes
And the constellations come alive

The Way Cynics Dream

Fragile is this name
Hollow that all ideas echo out
In monotone
Tilt you sideways
So can finally see the world straight
You feel as though words
Are a flurry inside head
No matter how much you write
Speak or scream
They just keep covering you
Until all you see is white
And you are out of breath
Pencils are thieves
And pens are fleeting
Both taking something
Each time they fall from fingertips
It is a catalyst
You would tell me
A sign this life is pointless
A slanderous experience
That leaves us all feeling cheap
And our words are hostages to these pointless mazes
Instead of being our tools to fight this raging battle
We fall victim to a lecherous society
Eager to adopt plastic bottles with perfect smiles
And all I can do is nod
For I know there is no point in arguing
For this is the way a cynic dreams

Single and Dating

Late at night
I lose him
Or did he lose me
Interest is shot
And I have faded off
Not listening
Not listening
Looking for the door
As he continues to talk
More and more
I wonder if he would notice
That I left before
Dinner showed up
But calories increase with each word
And he was bad for my diet
So I left him
Talking and talking
To meet the bartender
Being single isn’t that bad after all
It is a hell of a lot quieter

Wicked

Wicked is your tongue
Saying forgive me
And I am sorry
Love is poisonous
From your mouth
I feel tainted and alone
Each touch that grazes my skin
I wonder if I could just leave
With you hand lingering in the air
Tangled in my shadow
Would you keep drowning
In your insincerity
Or would you finally realize
You will never have me

Self Portrait #2

Few more gray hairs
Sharper tongue
More scars
Eyes wide open
Find myself exploring
Searching streets
Enjoying the smaller details
Chasing shadows
Leaving behind rainbows
Stronger
Broken nails
Motherhood
Brings me down to earth
Small boy clinging
Curled up, smiling
Old enough to know better
Young enough to not be dead
Charging the stage
Road trips
Found fleeting memories
Sometimes still feel sting of pain
Past will not define me
For more journey ahead
Mistakes unintentional
Was once told I chase after men
But, rather I was chasing a dream
Dreams change, and so have I
Come sit with me
We have a lot to discuss
Let us start with today

Gregarious

Laughter rolled off her fingertips
You always felt giddy around her
She always wore a smile that lingered on your memory
Mismatched is how I would describe her
Her clothes patchwork of rainbows
She looked like a thrift shop mannequin that sprang alive
Now she is doing a national tour
Always found where crowds and noise meet at full volume
Told her she should have been a street performer
All she would have to do was dance and laugh
People would flock, and soon would be joining in
She would have the first official block party held downtown
She calls me ridiculous, but I know she ponders it
Likes she ponders her portraits
Paint stained fingertips her main accessory
Wanted to paint the world in Technicolor
Or at least make sure it was a shade brighter than neon
She preferred to work with no room to move
Let the voices and movement determine the story she would tell
Larger than the horizon, I watch her
Endless chatter with everyone that crosses her path
Flowing into the crowd, and they ebb around her
And, I will wait for her
For her laughter brings the day alive

Cerulean

On a dark rainy night,
You can find me
An outline in the window
Fogging up the glass with every breath, every thought
Raindrops pool outside
Their shadows dance along my skin before fading
I am watching you
Eyes caught a slight glow from the moon
You stop, caught
Feel the panic rising in your nerves
Until I can see you shiver
A smile is my extended hand
I am watching you
Be cautious for you know I bite
And I am lingering in the dark
Cool glass stinging my skin
You tell me to move away from the cold
I remind you I am plenty warm
Look away, caught
Feel the silence consuming your voice
Until I can see you shift side to side
A soft giggle is my extended hand
I am watching you
On a dark rainy night
Eyes caught a slight glow from the moon
Every breath, every thought
Fogging your view
Raindrops pooling outside
Their shadows dancing along my skin until they fade
I am watching you

Mint

I will find you lingering
On the edge
The moon is so beautiful
And I will let you catch it in my gaze
Move closer, so I can hear your name
I will let my fingertips provide my hello
As my fingers slowly find a home in your hand
The world will stop for us
And I will get lost in the city lights
The skyline trails my body
And you tell me you want to fly tonight
Smiling, my gaze will release my secrets
Swaying along the waterfront
I will be your mystery
So solve me tonight
I will be the bandit and the hero in the same second
Lingering on the edge
I will move closer and allow our shadows
To be each others' symphonies
Find me, find me
Hidden within the night, the whispers
Traffic of emotions and the skyline
I will find you lingering
On the edge
With both feet
Let us jump and learn to fly tonight

Sun

Glaring
It eyes me
I cannot hide
Exposed
My secrets are bared
Pins me down under its rays
Judgment isn’t the only thing that burns
Scathing is it ridicule
The sun glowers from its throne
I am another ant to be roasted
Scurry, scurry searching
For a crack to slip into
I want to hide
Shivering
Secrets uncovered
Glaring down
With rays prying you open
I curl up, covering eyes
Wishing for darkness
Away from the sun

Thunder and Lightning

Flash and boom
Rips open the sky
Shatters the calm
Blinding in force
Crying, I am left
Knees buckled
Lost in my pain
Hollow, I feel myself
Caving into the crashes
Thunder rattles my spine
Lightning breaks open the scars
I feel it all flooding in
Tears pooling into my palms
The sadness comes with the bursts
Pain screams with each rumble
And I remember it all
Remember the goodbyes, the fights
Bitter endings and faltered beginnings
Disconnected, and coiling g around me
Within thunder and lightning,
Depression waits me
Within thunder and lightning,
Ravens swarm, cackling
Lost in my ache
Wrap myself up in grief

Wind

Howl louder than you
Fury will wrap around me
Pushing you away
Swirling around, around
This argument will escalate
In a flurry of words and growls
Emotions will rush
Shoving you away from me
You will not touch me
For the wind is my ally
And I will run run away
With speed and howling
Rattling the trees
And your words are nothing but leaves
Scattered across the floor
You try to brace yourself
Dust, my emotions
Will dig into your eyes
Leaving you crying, me growling
Whirling whirling is this pain
You will bend under my force
Until you break
Unable to stand
For my anger will pound against you
Curled to a ball, you will be
Standing taller and stronger
My goodbye will slap against your back
As my rage follows me out the door
Slamming it shut, leaving your world
Caught in a whirlwind of pain

Earthquake

Crumbling down
Seek safety in a doorway
I feel the walls shake
Falling falling under your gaze
Warmth in your smile
Left my world trembling
Splintering and breaking apart reasoning
Wave after wave, nerves carrying this seismic activity
And I am quaking for your touch
Unable to speak
Unable to hold my balance
Gripping onto the doorway, knuckles white
Gaze to the floor, focusing
Quivering lips, wavering breath
I am in the doorway you have just crossed
Clutching your arm you stop
Looking at each other
You know what I can’t say
Pulling me close
Tumbling, crumbling are these walls
Heart tremors
Love has come and shook my world upside down

Snow

Frozen
Resentment settles in bones
Cold, I will become the snow
Blank is bitterness
And the horizon is colorless
Grinding teeth, frustration powders skin
Fists locked, my gaze icy
Envy is not green in anyway
I will consume this world
Small flurries are my words
A jealousy whiteout consumes thoughts
Storming are my actions
And I will bury you
Under the drifts of white
Layers of pain and spite
I always wanted your life
The ease and grace that came so freely
Everything I have had has a price
My conscious or my soul
Mouth dry and breaths icing my lungs
A small blizzard I will become
Offended by your sight
A dark blemish on my perfect white horizon

Hurricane

Never know when it will hit
Until it touches down
Then singlehandedly
It rips up all your security and confidence
Twirls it around and around
You are spinning and flying
Unable to breathe, but you remember
How it felt for air to rush in
How it felt to be alive
Flapping your arms, you hope you can get your bearings
Without such a slow strumming ache
Loneliness has come in the spring
People scurry away in the horizon
With packed up station wagons and I feel alone
In a room full of people laughing
Trying to remember what it was like to be in the open
And not partnered in your shadow
This hurricane of emotions
Send the pictures flying off the walls
Tattered and torn is this heart
Caught in the calm, in the eye of the storm
Before all the hurt settles in
Loneliness is a quiet rage that has no words
To explain the screaming
Standing with the world spiraling
Insecurity roaring in my ears
Pain slamming into my soul
I am alone in this storm

Predator, You Made Me

I am

Exactly

The predator

You made me

You taught me

How to be

Selfish

Vindictive

To approach each line

As though it is the beginning

Of a hunt

So let me place two fingers

To my lips

And blow you kiss

And you will become

Dust

For that is all you were to me

Because I am the predator

You made me

Sip

I will sip

This life slowly

Remember you

By Friday

With each carbonated hiccup

Your face reminds me

Of brightly colored wrapping paper

Always loud with a mouth ready to be opened

So I will collect this life

Into a chipped tea cup

Slightly jagged edge that nips my lips

With every sip

Like our conversations

Gathering up tidbits

Of current events, laughter, and insults

Pour them across the table

Come Friday

So I will sip

This life slowly

Calico

Switch my patterns

Each day

Turn this world over

With each blink of my eye

Dangle you from a thin thread

And I will bat at you with my words

You seem so eager

To define me

So it must be very frustrating

That I don’t quite fit

Pity you are too busy whining

We might have had a good time

But when you are trapped in your own gaze

It is easy to be blinded all the time

I will switch my patterns

Every day

Dangle the world by a thread

Tease you with smile

Watch you drown in your own dissatisfaction

Stray Thoughts

Jangling coins caught in a pocket

Are these thoughts

Clamoring loudly against my tongue

So maybe I will spend them

Speak them

Throw them out, throw them away

To useless ears

Broken unable to listen beyond own voices

Shift me into repeat

So I can stutter out a rhyme and maybe reason

For still standing here

Downstream from constant dial tone

From flapping fingers and clicking tongues

So let me tuck these ideas in my back pocket

Like a few stray quarters

For it is laundry day, and I have plenty of thoughts

I need to wash and dry

Awake

Capture tomorrow on the tip of my tongue

You tell me I say you name sweetly

As if each letter is your own lullaby

I only laugh and try to remain balance

Teeter side to side along a brick wall

For walls are the only things keeping me up

If I reach up on my tiptoes

I might be able to grab the sun

You try for me and I watch you struggle

Clawing at the brick watching me with wide panicked eyes

As though I am falling and you are trying to catch me

Or maybe you see

That a part of me is fading into the skyline

For dreams deserve to float and fly

So I close my eyes and tilt my head back

Arms open, pondering maybe this is the time

For me to learn to fly

I can’t rely on gravity to show me the way

Can’t rely on you to be the best option for me

Maybe it is time for me to redefine these boundaries

I can hear the roar of your complaints and pleas

Rocking on my heels, I feel the sky pull me back

You hit the wall and crumple to the ground

I tried to tell you that lullabies are meant for sleeping

And I am ready to be awake